My 2nd favorite kpop group (my first favorite being Big Bang, which says alot when they are compared).
The 7 nerds who all have awesome and crazy personalities.
The boys who can just be themselves and still be charming.
The most diverse kpop group out there.
And now 2 members are leaving.
Kim Kibum and Alexander.
Alexander is leaving the group, but he is still technically in the company. He is going back to school or something.
Kibum was forced to resign.
They terminated his contract and told him to leave as he was "lacking in some areas".
But I have a huge amount of respect for him because of how he handled it.
He didn't flip out, he didn't curse out the company or bad mouth them.
He just explained exactly what happened and sounded more hurt rather than angry because he loves U Kiss (more as family, rather than business).
These are two genuinely good guys, with loads of talent and better things waiting for them.
I, on the other hand, am really really angry that they were not the ones who chose to leave. They were forced to leave.
And on top of that, NH Media did it because they want to replace them.
So that is whats happening. They are replacing them as soon as possible.
And I hate them for it.
I can't even seem to express how angry and upset this whole thing makes me. It... just sucks.
I'm so proud of my boyfriend.
I know people say that alot.
But I really am.
He already got accepted to the college he wants to go to.
His band is doing great and he's an amazing screamer.
He is still with me after almost 3 years.
And I'm really proud of my best friend.
She's so talented and such a smart girl.
She has goregous read hair, pale skin, and beautiful blue-green eyes.
And she works so so hard for everything.
It inspires me to try harder.
I'm really really really proud of the people in my life who I love the most.
I just hope that someone can be proud of me one day...
Not that I haven't done anything...
It's just that everything seems so...small compared to what is happening with them.
Their success always seems better, their failure always seems harder, and their stories seem more important.
But I want someone to be as proud of me as I am of my friends.
Ben comes the closest to this I think...
I told him I got into Centenary (my last choice of colleges) and he just stopped walking to hug me and congratulate me.
It felt nice.
I want to say that the feeling in my stomach has faded away.
But it's still there.
Not very strong, but it's there.
And I think I have a better understanding of it...
It's like I feel like I can't ever fill a certain space in someone's life.
Like I can never be the first girl Ben liked. And I can't be his best friend.
And I can't be a school friend to any of my Maywood friends.
And I can't be the friend who travels Europe with Sara.
I can only be who I am.
And that is none of those things.
And it honestly bothers me, probably more than it should.
First post of the new year.
A new year.
A clean slate.
A chance to change.
But yet, I don't feel different.
I'm still the same person.
Still the same, inside and out.
And I don't particularly have a problem with that.
Somethings will change, some will stay the same...
This year will be big no matter what though.
Whether we want it to or not.