You see us as you want to see us...

In the simplest terms, in the most convenient deffinitions.

(no subject)
Maybe I feel comfortable, feeling uncomfortable.
Like being tense is my equivalent to relaxing.

(no subject)

I know it's dumb.

And maybe it's just because I'm a girl...who gets way to attached to things/people.
But I'm still extremely upset about U Kiss...
And it could be because I just read a really sad fan fic and listened to Finally ( on repeat about 10 times.
But I love this group.
It makes me sad to think that they could just drop two of them like that.
Then go and replace them as fast as they got kicked out.

And that's the problem.
They were kicked out.
To be replaced.

That's wrong.
Just wrong.

Kibum and Xander leave D:

U Kiss.
My 2nd favorite kpop group (my first favorite being Big Bang, which says alot when they are compared).
The 7 nerds who all have awesome and crazy personalities.
The boys who can just be themselves and still be charming.
The most diverse kpop group out there.

And now 2 members are leaving.
Kim Kibum and Alexander.

Alexander is leaving the group, but he is still technically in the company. He is going back to school or something.

Kibum was forced to resign.
They terminated his contract and told him to leave as he was "lacking in some areas".
But I have a huge amount of respect for him because of how he handled it.
He didn't flip out, he didn't curse out the company or bad mouth them.
He just explained exactly what happened and sounded more hurt rather than angry because he loves U Kiss (more as family, rather than business).

These are two genuinely good guys, with loads of talent and better things waiting for them.

I, on the other hand, am really really angry that they were not the ones who chose to leave. They were forced to leave.
And on top of that, NH Media did it because they want to replace them.
So that is whats happening. They are replacing them as soon as possible.
And I hate them for it.
I can't even seem to express how angry and upset this whole thing makes me. It... just sucks.  

(no subject)
I think everyone has to go through a period in their life when they feel that they are better than everyone around them and that they are the coolest thing out there.

I'll be the first to admit that I was like that.
7th grade and 8th grade, I thought I was really cool.
Because I listened to bands people never heard of and wearing only band tee shirts.

But I've deffinitely gotten over that.
I'm not cool and I know it.

But if you don't go through that phrase and get over it, you're gonna be one lonely adult.

(no subject)
Just a few things I want to talk about with someone...even if that someone is the internet...

I'm actually really upset that I lost the keychain that Danny got me for Christmas in creshman year.
I was holding onto it so I could show him at the end of highschool that I kept it all that time.... :(

I'm extremely frustrated that Ben knows I'm uncomfortable with new people and yet he tries to make me hang out with a room full of new people. 
 And then when I asked him to bring me home, he brought one of those people along for the car ride.
Gahhhhh I'm just so.....frustrated.

But yet, this weekend was pretty good.
Well Friday was amazing.
Saturday was pretty good too (finally got my tattoo).
And then Sunday was going well until about 6.

But it's all whatever.
I doubt anyone wants to hear about it anyway.
It's not like any of it actually matters....

(no subject)

I'm so proud of my boyfriend.
I know people say that alot.
But I really am.
He already got accepted to the college he wants to go to.
His band is doing great and he's an amazing screamer.
He is still with me after almost 3 years.

And I'm really proud of my best friend.
She's so talented and such a smart girl.
She has goregous read hair, pale skin, and beautiful blue-green eyes.
And she works so so hard for everything.
It inspires me to try harder.

I'm really really really proud of the people in my life who I love the most.
I just hope that someone can be proud of me one day... 

Not that I haven't done anything...
It's just that everything seems so...small compared to what is happening with them. 
Their success always seems better, their failure always seems harder, and their stories seem more important. 

But I want someone to be as proud of me as I am of my friends. 

Ben comes the closest to this I think... 
I told him I got into Centenary (my last choice of colleges) and he just stopped walking to hug me and congratulate me. 
It felt nice. 


(no subject)

I want to say that the feeling in my stomach has faded away.
But it's still there.
Not very strong, but it's there.

And I think I have a better understanding of it...
It's like I feel like I can't ever fill a certain space in someone's life.
Like I can never be the first girl Ben liked. And I can't be his best friend.

And I can't be a school friend to any of my Maywood friends.
And I can't be the friend who travels Europe with Sara.

I can only be who I am.
And that is none of those things.
And it honestly bothers me, probably more than it should. 


(no subject)
So I have come to the conclusion that my friends aren't ready to know everything about me.
And that's okay. Some things I need to keep to myself.

Well alot of things.
But this one thing in particular, they don't want to or need to know about me.

(no subject)
I had a strange dream last night.
Possibly stranger than the other dream I posted about....

I was at Jenny and Ryan's wedding.
We were all at a church but it was like the reception after a wedding.
We were all doing weird stuff too.
Like there was a fountain made completely of lollipops and we all got to go up and take one as we made speeches.
An then wads of money popped up arond the lollipop fountain and we all got to take money too.

It was the most bizarre thing I've ever had a dream about recently....

(no subject)

First post of the new year.

A new year.
A clean slate.
A chance to change.

But yet, I don't feel different.
I'm still the same person.
Still the same, inside and out.

And I don't particularly have a problem with that.

Somethings will change, some will stay the same...
This year will be big no matter what though.
Whether we want it to or not.


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